Executive transition, an unexpected journey
July 12th, 2022
Guest blog contributor - Linda Mueller
Nearly 20 years ago, I agreed to step off of my corporate career path so that my husband could accept a position in Tokyo. My identity and self-worth were so closely tied to my career that I struggled to find purpose, connection, and even joy in my new life.
My husband was supportive, but he was also extremely busy in his new role. I felt lost and alone. Once the newness of my so-called adventure wore off, I also felt guilty that I wasn’t more excited about the opportunities my new life offered. I questioned my decision to move abroad.
I could have stayed in the downward spiral of questioning and regret. I’ve seen others do it. They failed to find their way. The impact of their discontent was often detrimental to their family’s overall experience in the new location and, in some cases, their ability to remain there.
I wasn’t going to let that happen. I had given up too much to ‘fail’ in my new role. With my husband cheering me on, I experimented with who I wanted to be and how I wanted to spend my time. Some attempts worked out and others didn’t, but I never gave up.
I eventually learned how to adapt and thrive as an accompanying partner. I have had plenty of opportunity to practice what I learned as my family made seven international relocations over 13 years that took us to Tokyo twice, Abu Dhabi, and London before we repatriated to Chicago five years ago. The rewards of this unexpected journey - the people I’ve met, the experiences I’ve had, and even becoming a mother - are immeasurable.
Executive relocation
My initial relocation experience isn’t unique. One of the most common reasons that a corporate relocation fails is that the family - and typically it is the accompanying partner - struggles and then fails to adapt within the first year. The family gets caught up in the excitement about and preparations for the move. They have high expectations of the new location based on assumptions that may or may not be true.
Upon arrival, you - the executive - will be focused on settling into your new position. If you have children, they will most likely head off to their new school. Your partner is left to set up house and manage your family’s new daily life - establishing a routine, buying groceries, finding doctors, creating a social network, and other, often mundane, tasks. All the while, your partner will also need to fill the void left by the loss of community and employment or other purposeful activity engaged in prior to your relocation.
Over time, the void can damage your partner’s sense of self and leave them with a lack of direction or focus. An accompanying partner’s inability to adapt can strain the entire family’s mental health and interpersonal relationships, and potentially your job stability. The cost of a failed executive relocation are high both personally and professionally!
Why corporations should care
When a corporate relocation fails within the first year, there are direct and indirect costs to both the employer and executive. Employer losses include HR time and funds invested pre-move, relocation expenses, housing assistance, and countless miscellaneous expenses/fees, etc. In the case of an international move, there are often additional immigration fees, foreign taxes, cost of living adjustments, and school fees, as well.
For you, a failed relocation is even worse - shame, a damaged reputation, lost work time, and potentially a rash decision to change direction altogether. When an executive fails in their new position, their moral or reputation may be hurt, which typically decreases their previously high performance. At the same time, the transitional period can negatively impact teams in both the previous and new locations. Work often slows, or even stops, during transitional times which can lead to a reduction or delay of revenue.
With these costs in mind, consider asking your employer to fund support for your accompanying partner. Such support will certainly be less costly than a failed assignment.
Depending on your circumstances, the following may be beneficial investments to ease your partner’s transition:
Professional relocation support - immigration, transportation, moving and procuring household goods, organizing schools and utilities, immigration, etc.
Language lessons
Intercultural training
Life or career coaching
Career retraining or recertification support
Membership to social or professional networking groups or club.
Transitioning smoothly
The transition period begins as soon as you decide to relocate - not once you arrive in your new location. Every minute you spend on transition preparation work prior to your relocation has a direct impact on the likelihood of a smooth transition once you and your family arrive in the new location. Often, executives make the grave mistake of focusing solely on the logistical aspects of a relocation. This misses what should be the real priority - creating a smooth transition mentally and emotionally for the entire family.
Communication between you and your partner is the foundation of a successful transition. While there are many unknown and often uncontrollable factors related to a move, open lines of honest communication can ease the transition by guaranteeing the flow of important information, managing expectations, addressing and mitigating relocation-associated issues as they arise, and giving you partner a voice - and therefore ownership - in the transition.
In the early stages of transition discussions, be careful to not make promises to your family that you may not be able to keep. Promises lead to expectations, which may be hard to manage. Until you are on the ground in your new position, it is difficult to know exactly what work will require of you and what day-to-day life will be like for you and your family
Prior to relocating, and ideally prior to deciding to relocate, assess and address the relocation opportunity holistically - beyond just the logistical aspects of relocation. Getting clear on individual and family values - what’s most important to you and your partner - can provide a filter through which to evaluate the situation.
What non-negotiable personal factors exist?
What impact will the move have on your lifestyle and that of your partner and your family?
Will your partner be able to carry on with his/her current purpose whether it’s paid or otherwise? Does your partner want to continue on as before or use this experience as an opportunity to reinvent him/herself?
If on-going personal commitments exist - such as supporting ageing parents - how will they be handled after the move?
Are acceptable housing, schooling, and healthcare available?
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, why are you making the move? Getting clear on ‘why’ will give your family an end goal on which to focus should they encounter any rough patches during the transition.
Discussing these factors can provide the basis for a transition plan that extends beyond logistics. What questions and concerns do you have? Who can provide the information you need? How will lifestyle and other trade-offs be managed? What needs to be done before, during, and following your physical relocation? What role will the your partner play during and following the transition?
Front load your transition plan
Planning and preparing prior to your move will free up time and energy to focus on personal adaptation once you arrive in your new location. A front-loaded transition plan should include community building, education, and a focus on your accompanying partner’s self-care and self-defined purpose.
Start learning about and creating connections in your new location before you relocate. Your employer, your personal and professional networks, and local community groups on Facebook (e.g., Girl Gone International) and other social network platforms (e.g., InterNations and local meet up groups) can be welcoming and helpful resources. If time allows, a pre-move trip can also be very insightful. Having an idea of what to expect and people to contact immediately following the relocation will make the experience much less challenging and isolating for your accompanying partner.
Educate yourselves on the concept of culture shock, which can result from a relocation of any distance. Oxford defines culture shock as “the feeling of disorientation experienced by someone who is suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes”. Knowing that this is likely to occur and respecting that various family members may experience the various stages - honeymoon, frustration, adaptation, and acceptance - at a different pace will give your family a common language to discuss the experience and feelings. Intercultural training can also lessen the impact of culture shock associated with an international move.
Throughout the entire transition, encourage your partner to focus on self-care - practices such as eating and sleeping well, exercising, spending time outside, socializing, and perhaps even a massage - to reduce stress and maintain resilience through ups and downs of the transition process. Maintaining physical and mental health is vital to achieving adaptation.
Partner’s purpose
Strong communication and holistic transition planning are the keys to a smooth transition, which will enable your partner to free up mental space to focus on finding purpose - be it paid or otherwise - in the new location.
The complexity of relocation circumstances will impact the timing of the accompanying partner’s focus on (re)defining and finding purpose. Be patient, supportive, and kind. The key is to ensure either personally or through professional support, such as career counselling or life coaching, that your partner maintains progress toward achieving fulfilment.
While some accompanying partners expect to continue the career or other purposeful activity from their previous life following their relocation, others use their relocation as an opportunity to reinvent themselves. They search out and experiment with different fulfilling ways to spend their time. Often, priorities, goals, and interests shift during the transition as new contacts are made and experience is gained causing the accompanying partner to reevaluate their initial intentions.
Regardless of which path your partner is on - continuation or reinvention - strong communication, strategic planning, and solid support will ease the relocation transition and open the door to new and potentially unimaginable possibilities for your partner.
About Linda:
Linda Mueller is a certified life coach and mentor who uses proven tools and strategies to empower lost and lonely accompanying partners to feel confident, connected, and engaged in their new lives.
If you would like to learn more about Linda and her coaching services, please email her at TheExpatPartnerCoach@gmail.com or visit her website.